As I sit here wanting to get my thoughts out,
An image of me stranded in a body of stagnant water comes about.
The water is dark and I’m all alone,
Holding on to dear life with all its unknown.
I’m cold and numb and not sure what to think.
How must I have gotten here? What’s the missing link?
I thought I was on the right path, so how did I drift so far away?
To land in this body of water, it surely must be doomsday.
As I wait thinking it’s Earth last day,
It’s slowly dawns on me that I must fight to survive or else I won’t be okay.
I guess it makes sense why this imagine pops in my head,
because at times I feel I’m stuck with no solutions to look forward to ahead.
Just as if the tides of the water would crash onto me,
this illness keeps throwing obstacles my way, preventing me from being free.
Free to go out and do as I please.
Free to live an independent life with my mind at ease.
Although if I’m honest I’m less angry now.
Because I’ve accepted my fate and how my story will end somehow.
In its place sadness remains,
As I miss the person I used to be
leaving me with heavy heartache pains.
I no longer have dreams and aspirations moving forward,
as this disease continues to break me down even more for worse.
Thereby I have no choice but to live my life day by day.
Following the same routine while keeping my emotions at bay.
Don’t get me wrong I try to change it up and include some fun.
But there’s not much I can do than to sit outside and soak up some sun.
And when I pass, I know one things for certain.
People will say “She’s not suffering no more”, to help with their emotional burden.
It’s a brutal truth. I can’t deny it.
And those that say otherwise, just hate to admit it.
Therefore I’ll move past the questions of how I got here.
In order for me to try and cope with this illness without fear.
For I have come so far and I cannot give up now.
My life is still worth living, therefore I must try and go forth somehow.
In closing, I’ll continue this journey of the unexpected.
At least there’s no surprises, I know the direction my life is headed.
– FLORENCE RONDBARANI